When Friendships End: Understanding the Grief No One Talks About

By Jenn Horne, The Therapy Colletive

When we talk about breakups, we usually think of romantic relationships—stories that dominate headlines, movies, and music playlists. But there’s another kind of heartbreak that deserves just as much attention: the loss of a friendship.

At The Therapy Collective, we often witness the quiet ache that comes from these breakups. They’re rarely talked about, often happen without warning, and can leave a deep emotional void. While they may not come with the same fanfare, friendship breakups can be just as, if not more, painful than romantic ones.

Let’s explore why they hurt so much—and how we can begin to heal.

Why It Hurts: The Silent Ache of Friendship Breakups

Friendships often feel like the safest place to land. They’re where we bring our unfiltered selves, celebrate milestones, and weather life’s storms. When one ends, it’s not just a person we lose—it’s a part of who we were with them.

Here’s why these losses cut deep:

• They’re often unexpected: Friendships can fade gradually or end suddenly, leaving us confused, blindsided, and questioning what went wrong.

• There’s less social recognition: There are no sympathy cards or casseroles for losing a best friend. Society doesn’t often validate this kind of grief.

• There’s rarely closure: Friendships often dissolve without a real conversation, leaving us stuck in loops of wondering and unresolved emotion.

• There’s a strong urge to repair: Long-time friendships can feel like part of our identity. When they end, we may obsess over how to fix things—even when it’s out of our hands.

We need to expand our understanding of grief to include relational losses like this. Whether the friendship ended from conflict, distance, shifting life stages, or simply growing apart—your grief is real. Your feelings of sadness, shock, anger, confusion, or even relief, are all valid.

Coping Strategy #1: Start with the Basics of Self-Care

Grief can strip us of our routines and even our ability to meet basic needs. Instead of trying to “do it all,” start simple:

• Breathe: Take a few intentional, full breaths. Hold, release slowly.

• Hydrate: You deserve to take care of yourself. Water is a factor in that.

• Move: Walk, dance, stretch, garden—whatever feels right.

• Seek daylight: Even a few minutes outside each day can help reset your system.

Coping Strategy #2: Reconnect or Build New Relationships

You may feel hesitant or guarded—and that’s okay. It’s normal to compare other relationships after a loss. But healing often starts with connection. Whether you lean on old friends or build new bonds, seek out spaces where you feel seen and valued. You might even discover a stronger sense of self through this process.

Coping Strategy #3: Acknowledge & Validate Your Emotions

Instead of fixating on the who, what, and why, try this:

• Ask yourself: “How do I feel?”

• Write a letter you’ll never send, or keep a journal.

• Say to yourself: “I am allowed to feel this. This is hard.”

• Tune into your body: Where do you feel the emotion? Does it shift when you notice it?

Letting your nervous system process your grief helps create space for self-compassion and clarity.

Coping Strategy #4: Accept the Reality, Even If It Hurts

Friendships, like all relationships, sometimes end—and both parties are allowed to walk away. Repeating this truth to yourself (over and over) can help break cycles of analysis and rumination.

Notice when you’re resisting reality. Label it—“I’m ruminating”—and gently bring yourself back to the truth and back to your breath. As many times as it takes.

You’re Not Alone

Losing a friendship can feel like a quiet heartbreak—one that doesn’t always get talked about, but lingers just as deeply. If you’re going through one, give yourself permission to grieve. It mattered. They mattered. And you matter.

If you're struggling to understand or process the loss, we’re here. Sometimes having someone to help make sense of it all—without judgment—can make all the difference.

Contact The Therapy Collective to talk things through.